I wish I wasn't this self-aware

I have this need to abandon those I care about
I can't tell if they deserve it

My brain is telling me to go,
I’ll leave all the group chats,
I'll start fights,
I'll make all of you hate me
just to be alone again.

The one I trust most says to stay.
I know I get in my head about it all.
I don't want to lose you.

It's fine.
Talk your shit about me.

Rip my heart out, tear it apart
Let the bloodshed soak us.

The rage tingles in my fingertips,
My body shakes,
I want to scream.
It terrifies me what I might do
Please don't hate me when this is all over.


I guess you hate me.